Comedy, Writing

The Perfect Milk Substitute

I have been trying to find a milk substitute for the last few weeks. Stuff which isn’t water or orange juice (doesn’t go well with porridge) so am trying out all the possible things you can have and rating them out of 10.

Everyone tells me how bad milk is for me, how we are the only animals that still drink it after the age of 3 and how cows have 8 stomachs and we have one and your drinking stuff that has gone through eight stomachs EWWWW and you get enough calcium from cheese and spinach and by looking at the moon anyway, so I thought I would try and cut it out. HOWEVER I have to have a form of white liquid in my (get your mind out of the gutter*) beverages as I can’t do black coffee, or tea, or hot chocolate made of water, or porridge moistened by only my tears. What am I? A peasant? Continue reading “The Perfect Milk Substitute”