Comedy, Writing

An Open Letter to Ellen Degeneres

Dear Ellen,

Firstly, big fan – I use to watch your sitcom in the 90’s, and whilst I was too young to get all the jokes, I assumed since we had the same name it was a template for how my life would turn out, that the TV, rather than being a box presenting me with Friday night fiction, was actually a window into my future.

It seemed I had much to look forward to – low stake whimsical adventures, getting my heart broken by Laura Dern, voicing a fish in a pixar movie and eventually marrying someone from Ally McBeal (I had my fingers crossed for Gil Bellows, or worse come to worse, Jon Bon Jovi.)

But I was wrong, Ellen and would even go so far as to say I was mislead. As it turns out life is a cruel bitch, Laura Dern never returns phone calls, fish can’t talk and Gil Bellows has a forehead you could balance cheese on, which just isn’t my bag.

I felt like a failure Ellen. I felt like the Danny Devito to your Arnold Schwarzenegger. The Billy Baldwin to your Alec. The Will Arnett to your Amy Poehler. Continue reading “An Open Letter to Ellen Degeneres”