Comedy, Writing

20 Things Every Woman Should Have Done by the Time she is 30

Welcome to the part of the blog where I rally against my impending 30th by rating my life against the life a woman’s lifestyle website says I should be having by now.

(See previous installment – 20 things women should stop wearing after 30)

How do I compare to the milestones and goals set by the magical wizard women, who would be played by Kate Hudson if this article was made into a film, with their adult choices, friends and ability to always learn from their mistakes.

LETS SEE.

I invite you to play along. Continue reading “20 Things Every Woman Should Have Done by the Time she is 30”

Comedy, Writing

20 things women should stop wearing after age 30

In less then 5 months I am going to hit the big 3-0 and a deep feeling of shame and regret burns through my abdomen, differing slightly from the giddy excitement I felt upon finally 8, 12 or even 18.

Turning 8 meant being allowed to stay up an extra fifteen minutes each evening. Turning 12 meant seeing Ace Ventura Pet Detective at the cinema and the possibility of getting boobs and turning 18 meant the guilt, so firmly etched onto my face every time I was asked for ID, finally dissipated. Getting into nightclubs underage was no longer a strategic mission where the most weathered faced girl would be planted at the front of our posse, the most juvenile looking sandwiched in the middle and I would be on ‘phone duty,’ i.e smoking cigarettes (like a grown up,) and pretending to be on the phone about how impossible it was to find a parking space near my flat. Continue reading “20 things women should stop wearing after age 30”

dating, Writing

18 Reasons Being in Love is the Best!

Hard hitting news site Cosmopolitan recently published a groundbreaking article on reasons why being in love is da absolute bestest.

It’s like, the worst thing I have ever read.

It’s like, ‘Reasons why being in love is the best….. if you’re really into being emotionally abused by a man.’ Continue reading “18 Reasons Being in Love is the Best!”

Comedy, Writing

What Your Community Crush Says About You

Who you fancy from the NBC cult show Community says a lot about you. More then you know. Science has proved it.

Look at this pie chart

This quiz has being hailed as the sharpest psychoanalytical tool since free association writing, and Cosmo’s groundbreaking Quiz “Whats Your Vagina’s Animal Spirit Guide?” Continue reading “What Your Community Crush Says About You”

Comedy

Sweet Valley High Fan Fic

sweet-valley-highJessica Wakefield, 27 left her therapist’s office with a spring in her step. Maybe it was the California evening breeze gently tousling her sun drenched blonde hair, or maybe it was the Prozac, but she hadn’t felt this happy in years.

Reapplying her clotty period blood red lipstick in the rearview mirror of her fiat Punto she tried to recall what had put her in such a bad mood in the first place.

Oh yes, she thought to herself, running a perfectly manicured hand through her sun caressed hair, my deeply traumatic childhood.  She was about to have a flashback, but in a piece of expert timing her iPhone rang.  Her ringtone, “Moves like Jagger,” blasted out as she rummaged through the mess of her bag, because she’s really ditzy and unorganised, for the piece of modern technology. It was Elizabeth Wakefield. Her twin sister. Continue reading “Sweet Valley High Fan Fic”