You think what you hated most about the party, though you would be hard pressed to settle on just one thing, was the endless parade of new couples. They showboated their untested relationships as they walked around the room, smirking as if their lives were complete now this person had decided to put the weight … More Showboating


I read some poetry and prose out on at a short story night. This is the first time I have done such a thing, and it was terrifying. My hands were shaking. I was wearing too much grey. I had torn a bit of my paper off to put chewing gum in without thinking. I read … More Hands

Dating Average Men

If all the framed portraits and certificates that my mother put up really represented my achievements in life, then wouldn’t they mark the moment I learnt my afternoon naps were due to a vitamin B deficiency and I wasn’t actually depressed? It’s everything in her house. Handprint drawings. School reports. Merit certificates. Sports day medals. … More Dating Average Men


What is the end game of a date? Please tell me, I am an urban legend, and have forgotten about sex. I keep getting invited in for coffee and when they open up cupboards devoid of caffeinated beverages and I ask why they lied, their expectant smiles turn upside down.

  It is difficult to be truly original within the confines of a modern relationship, especially if your memory is as appalling as mine.  

What dazzled me today?

I regret to inform you of anything. What dazzled me today? A woman with a handmade t shirt declaring ‘only regret what you have never done – not what you have,’ in large purple letters. That’s fine. Sure. Good point. I guess. But it’s written in biro, and the letters are unevenly spaced.