Wake up from a coma. Pretend to forget the last ten years of your life. Start again. That is how you travel backwards through time.
You think what you hated most about the party, though you would be hard pressed to settle on just one thing, was the endless parade of new couples. They showboated their untested relationships as they walked around the room, smirking as if their lives were complete now this person had decided to put the weight … More Showboating
I read some poetry and prose out on at a short story night. This is the first time I have done such a thing, and it was terrifying. My hands were shaking. I was wearing too much grey. I had torn a bit of my paper off to put chewing gum in without thinking. I read … More Hands
She looked so sad next to the well dressed bunny.
If all the framed portraits and certificates that my mother put up really represented my achievements in life, then wouldn’t they mark the moment I learnt my afternoon naps were due to a vitamin B deficiency and I wasn’t actually depressed? It’s everything in her house. Handprint drawings. School reports. Merit certificates. Sports day medals. … More Dating Average Men
What is the end game of a date? Please tell me, I am an urban legend, and have forgotten about sex. I keep getting invited in for coffee and when they open up cupboards devoid of caffeinated beverages and I ask why they lied, their expectant smiles turn upside down.
It is difficult to be truly original within the confines of a modern relationship, especially if your memory is as appalling as mine.
I will become a far more boring person when I start to date again. I will be marked by the ultimate rejection and it will lead me to be an agreeable undynamic mess of a man. I will be drawn to women of a similar ilk; messy sooty-eyed desperate lumps that want someone to notice … More His Plans for the Single Life
I regret to inform you of anything. What dazzled me today? A woman with a handmade t shirt declaring ‘only regret what you have never done – not what you have,’ in large purple letters. That’s fine. Sure. Good point. I guess. But it’s written in biro, and the letters are unevenly spaced.
My Review of The Memento Mori Shop* I visit the Memento Mori shop on Sundays after church. I go to church because I’ve yet to make up my mind about religion. I don’t know how I feel about God. I don’t know whether he exists and watches me masturbate or whether he is an old … More The Memento Mori Shop