dating, Writing

IF A WOMAN HAS THESE 14 QUALITIES NEVER LET HER GO, SCIENTISTS SAY

So apparently Science has invented a ‘relationship checklist’ for men to determine whether they should stick with us long term or not. Science as a whole, pretty nifty (poison = bad for you! Space = big!) but I feel it might be being used for nefarious reasons in this article, e.g to make women feel rubs about themselves, to hold themselves up to some impossible standard, and to further damage women’s already fragile relationship with Science, (I still haven’t forgiven Past Science for recommending we have our wombs removed to make us feel less cranky.)

Also where is the checklist for men, to determine if they are worth our time? I mean if there was, it would probably just have one thing on it.

Continue reading “IF A WOMAN HAS THESE 14 QUALITIES NEVER LET HER GO, SCIENTISTS SAY”

dating, Writing

5 Reasons You Are Still Single

Like most other single women I often find myself on the tube at rush hour cozying up to strangers just so I can remember what intimacy feels like, so imagine my joy when I stumbled upon an insightful article by Wonderland Magazine called:

‘Five Reasons you are Still Single.’

Initially, I was worried this article just was going to say ‘Because you have hairy toes Ellen,’ 5 times in a row, but it turned out to be a goldmine of advice. It felt like someone (I like to imagine an intern at Wonderland called Esme Lilliath Gigglewater) was finally being real with me.

Luckily, the article starts out gently, lulling you into a false sense of security with some excellent compliments. Continue reading “5 Reasons You Are Still Single”

dating, Writing

How Does One Date in London: Part 2

So I went on my first OKCupid date last week and he was late. Not by much, but enough to send me down the spiral of ‘well, if he’s late for this, does this mean he’s late paying bills, late to the party, late to know the latest trends? Should I just scream ‘ALRIGHT LARRY LATENESS’ when he walks in, and knock my drink off the table, before running screaming into the night?’

So I am staring at every man who came in the door thinking, is that him? Is that him? Because people obviously select the best photos for their profiles (apart from one guy, who had photos of him screaming at plates at food) and some people don’t look like there photos. At all. I might not,  I have a weird face. I like my face, but it’s not hugely photogenic (as an ex once pointed out), so I sabotage most of my photos by making ‘weird face,’ in order to save my esteem for when I look at it later, and think ‘what are you doing nose?’ Continue reading “How Does One Date in London: Part 2”

dating, Writing

How Does One ‘Date ‘ in London?

So I’ve moved to London aka The Big Smoke (my bogies have turned quite a dark colour since I moved here, should I be worried?) to try and make it in the city, much like Babe, the legendary pig, before me. I had always wanted to move to London, but in the same way I had always wanted to climb up a mountain in Nepal – if I talk about it enough whilst drunk, it will eventually happen, though through no effort on my part. Continue reading “How Does One ‘Date ‘ in London?”

dating, Writing

Winning chat up lines

You’re at a party, and it’s the usual scene, everyone is eating percy pigs and swaying to Chris De Burgh, when suddenly, out of nowhere you spy The One. Yes, your love eternal.

Tom-Hardy-8-480x600

 

This sexy stranger is everything you ever wanted in a partner, a gorgeous smile, a butt that won’t retire, and a laugh so dirty it would put the Grey Gardens house to shame. Continue reading “Winning chat up lines”

dating, Writing

18 Reasons Being in Love is the Best!

Hard hitting news site Cosmopolitan recently published a groundbreaking article on reasons why being in love is da absolute bestest.

It’s like, the worst thing I have ever read.

It’s like, ‘Reasons why being in love is the best….. if you’re really into being emotionally abused by a man.’ Continue reading “18 Reasons Being in Love is the Best!”

dating, Writing

Decoding Boys Body Language

Cosmopolitan magazine has been a consistent source of wisdom for women up and down the country for the last hundred years. It has been the mother figure who taught us how to wear shoes, the sister who taught us what his text message really means, and the best friend who made us feel like we were never quite good enough because we didn’t have thigh gap or a job in PR.

From awkward teenage years to awkward adult years, it has always been there with a shit free gift and stock images of pretty women eating yogurt in their underwear, BUT their most valuable asset has always been their innate ability to decode boy behaviour. They have spent years solving mysteries like

– Why do men make us cry ?

– What’s a penis?

– Why can’t men ask for directions?

– And what is up with football? Continue reading “Decoding Boys Body Language”