1. Get a cool chin scar.
2. Forget I made this list.
3. Stop playing the “What Would Happen Next if this was a Horror Film?” game whenever I am alone at night
4. Learn to accept compliments by acknowledging each one with the words “I know right?”
5. Stop comparing myself to friends. As in the TV show Friends. Rachel hadn’t got married or had a baby at 30 either, and in retrospect – turns out they were are all a bunch of fat shaming homophobes.
6. Live more fearlessly – ride down more steep hills on a bike with my eyes closed. Touch the underside of train and cinema seats more. Eat more discount meat.
7. Work out what that weird smell is in the flat.
8. Grow out my moustache.
9. Eat more breakfast food at dinner time.
10. Take more awesome selfies. OBVS
11. Find a nemesis
12. Take up a new hobby like inanely smiling at strangers or correcting peoples grammar. “I think you meant to whom”
13. To try and surprise people who say ‘nothing suprises me anymore.’
14. To come up with an awesome conspiracy theory, and get acknowledged by my hero Jim Corr.
15. To build up enough tampon tax credits to qualify for a free house.
Ellen Waddell 