Comedy, Writing

What Your Community Crush Says About You

Who you fancy from the NBC cult show Community says a lot about you. More then you know. Science has proved it.

Look at this pie chart

This quiz has being hailed as the sharpest psychoanalytical tool since free association writing, and Cosmo’s groundbreaking Quiz “Whats Your Vagina’s Animal Spirit Guide?”

(Mine was a red panda)

So before we start…

Think about Community.

Now think about who you would most like to be with in Community (sex)

Make sure you are 100% sure of your choice as once a partner is chosen there is no going back. Also you can’t do half and half, like Jeff on weekends and Shirley for thanksgiving.

Now read the corresponding answer.

If You Fancy Alison Brie:

You think you like morality, cheeseboards and being a upstanding citizen, but secretly you long to go on a dirty weekend to Amsterdam and do things. Unspeakable things. Because they involve duct tape. Across your mouth.

Sure, you may seem cardigan done up smart and respectful of other people to the casual observer  but you are one crazy sex demon. In fact you  probably work for the clergy. You also love  picking up other peoples litter. You need a partner who reflects your nympho with smarts ways and will take you out for expensive wine, talk to you about life and Nietzsche and then tie you to a lamp post, cover you with jam and pretend to be a angry bee.

If you fancy Jeff:

You like the finer things in life, cigars rolled on the thighs of virgins, cocktails the size of thimbles, large thread counts, organic soup and name brand pens and take a lot of pride in your appearance. You have a fine face, and are good at manipulating people with your face, however you tend to dismiss those who are ugly.

Many people think you are a ballbag and call you ballbag behind your back.

But they don’t know that your arrogance is just an act, a simple ruse to protect your insecurities because deep down inside, behind your torso, you fear you are not loveable and if people knew the gentler more vulnerable you then they would run away.

You need a partner who is not afraid to call you out on your bullshit, but who also has soft absorbant breasts and smoking legs.

If you fancy Troy:

You are pretty, dumb, and fiercely loyal. You are a bit like a dog. Although your head is in the clouds, you are good with your hands, but easily lead. Like a dog.But you are still really sexy, and have this air of “fuck me,” you aren’t even aware of. Like a dog.

If you fancy Abed:

You are autistic or at least on the spectrum. You find reality difficult and this confuses people, but haters gonna hate and you are actually better then everyone. Never forget that.

However you will need a partner to do the practical things, like pay car tax, iron shirts or apologise when you say something offensive.

If you fancy Britta:

You care deeply about the state of the world, and are a very giving person, but you are half hearted with your idealism and enjoy nothing more then faux rebellion.

You probably had very loving parents who humoured you, whilst making fun of your behind your back. Or to your face.

You have high standards you try and live up to, but sadly you get distracted by shiny things, booze and unsuitable men and continously fail. Also everything thinks you are a idiot. And no one wants to make you breakfast.

If you fancy Shirley:

You are pretty safe and boring and dependable, and need a mothering figure in your life. You love God, or some other such deity, and enjoy nothing more then being taken care and cooked for. You don’t like challenges or being that interesting and your age is deceptively hard to work out. You pretend to have had dark times involving booze and a debilitating addiction to a table based sport, but it’s all lies to bring spice to your dull as shit character

If you fancy Pierce

LOL. No one fancies Pierce.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s